INTRODUCING THE AUTHOR: Marie-Anne LUTCHMAYA-BAURIN is surely, at 80 years, the youngest woman of her age in the world! And she has achieved this without having recourse to Botox or plastic surgery of any kind.
Her original work entitled “His music and your dance for a successful relationship” is an excerpt from her book “Be beautiful…be someone”. Marie-Anne has drawn on her vast resources in the realm of her observations and her personal experiences to help us to live our lives more fully as women in the 21st century.
Marie-Anne is a university professor, political journalist and for the past twenty years, she has been joyfully working all over the world as a freelance conference interpreter.
Her website address is www.marieanne.be
Please note that no part of this article may be used in any way without first obtaining the express consent of the author in writing.
Did you know that when a man meets an attractive woman for the very first time, he hears a certain kind of music playing in his head? It is his personal guide that tells him whether he should stay and find out more about her, or whether he should take to his heels as soon as he possibly can! Were you aware that all men, regardless of their age, social status or profession, have this musical compass which was created very early on in their lives, and is intricately linked to the particular circumstances in which they came into this world? It functions with radar like precision and is implanted forever, in the depths of their soul. It gives out a signal just like a warning light which flashes with insistence in their brain: the message which they receive is categorical and impossible to ignore: “Stay, because you will have a pleasant experience with this woman” or “Danger! Flee as quickly as you can, this woman spells disaster and you can get badly hurt.” Of course, there are some men who do not heed these messages as they enjoy playing with fire and often live to regret it. Women also have this harmonious melody playing in the depths of their soul and while they do listen to this personal music, they more frequently resort to using choreography and intricate dance steps to align with a man’s music, especially when they see an attractive male who they think would make an ideal partner in a long term relationship.
Now that you, as a woman, have been made aware of this male automatic reflex which is at the core of what is known as an “attraction” and which will be described in detail later on in this article, it is time to understand how you fit into the picture here. After all, you are only trying, often unsuccessfully, to understand these strange expressions of male behaviour which appear inconsistent and even ludicrous when they are being scrutinised by implacable female logic, because they often leave us women feeling confused and perplexed, as we try fruitlessly to make sense of these obvious contradictions and an apparent lack of “coherence” in male reasoning. In situations like this, it becomes painfully clear that men are really from Mars and women are from Venus! Let us therefore first try to clear the fog which invades feminine minds when discussing an endlessly fascinating subject which very often leads to very unsatisfactory conclusions, in other words, “Man”.
However, before you, as a woman, even try to gain clarity and understanding of this male world in order to taste the delights of life as a couple, you MUST, first of all, fall in love with yourself. This is a sine qua non condition that will enable you to enter into this exclusively masculine precinct, also known as “the boys’ club” armed with everything that you need in order to successfully negotiate your way through the labyrinth of choices that are open to you in this essentially masculine world. If you do not fulfil this basic condition, if you are not in love with yourself, you will always be “at risk” – in other words, at the mercy of men who will probably use you to achieve their objectives and then relegate you, like a used Kleenex to the waste bin. In this game, you will feel lost and certainly very unhappy as you will not even understand why all this is happening to you. So falling in love with yourself gives you a very clear idea of who you are, and when this happens, no one, yes really, no one, no man, can ever damage your self esteem by cruel words or deeds. You will always be able to see through male intentions that are suspect for one or another reason, and this will allow you to walk away with elegance from a situation which would only have brought you a great deal of unhappiness in the long run.
Now that you have understood the vital importance of being in love with yourself, and assuming that you are already in this state, you will suddenly discover, as if by magic, that your vision of the world and your ideas about men will take on laser like clarity and precision. No longer will it be possible for any man to lie to you in your relationship. This is a particularly masculine trait which many men use when they do not want to continue seeing you any more and when they lack the courage to tell you the truth. Of course, at this point you must be wondering how on earth you can fall in love with yourself. It’s really quite easy, you know. Start by gently listening to the music and the harmony of your heart. It will tell you a great deal about who you are and what you need in order to be happy and secure as a woman. By doing this regularly, you will become fully aware of who you are as a person in your own right. Women who want to learn to expertly dance to the rhythms that are exclusive to the male universe, must first of all become familiar with their own music. Your values as a woman, your aspirations and all your hopes and desires on the personal and professional level which you feel with such force because they constitute the essential fibre of your being, are an indelible part of this musical score which is irrevocably fused with your own individuality. There are no two persons like you in the universe! Think about this, because it is a prerequisite of all that is essential to your love life. It will help you to mature and be confident about your legitimate place as a woman in the adult world. If this part of your life is not correctly constructed on steel pillars of self confidence, you will never succeed in making your relationships with the opposite sex work, because when you do not know who you really are, you are unable to meet others, secure in the knowledge of your self worth. It is possible that you will go a long way in achieving “success” in life, but you will always be tortured by doubt, haunted by questions for which you do not have answers and you will feel confused by your innate incapacity of commanding respect from men. On the other hand, the men you meet will be tempted (very tempted, in fact) to manipulate you whenever they can to further their own objectives, quite simply because you will not have yet understood that in order to have successful relations with them you have to consider them to be your equals. Everything in this type of relationship must be in balance. This is all you need if you want your love life to flourish with the man of your choice. After all, this is the dearest wish of all women on earth, isn’t it?
The question which arises at this stage is the following: how do you fall in love with yourself while avoiding the pitfalls of a narcissistic personality developing as a consequence? Well, first of all, look at yourself in the mirror: appreciate the sensual shape of your mouth, the curve of your lips, the light which shines in your eyes, the way in which your nose is in perfect harmony with the architecture of your other features, the colour of your hair and how it cascades gracefully to frame the softness your face – then, appreciate each detail of this image since it is absolutely unique in the world. And what is even more exciting is that it’s you who have sculpted this extraordinary work of art. When you achieve this goal, you will unconsciously start to project these beautiful feelings associated with your pleasing image towards all those who come into contact with you. And these persons, in turn, often without really knowing why, will note that your beauty is singular, different from all that they have encountered thus far, and this will give them the impetus to want to get to know you better in all your facets. As a consequence, you also will learn spontaneously how to match your own personal music with the way you walk, speak and express yourself to the point where all that you do and say will bear your special stamp and will become, in time, the way your body expresses itself, your unique dance by which you will be recognised right through your life.
Let us now suppose that at this stage that you are fully conscious of your value as a woman, and that, quite normally, you become your own best friend. You no longer have any doubts about what you need to help to develop your personality even further, to hold your head high and go through life with great confidence in yourself in search of that ultimate happiness, which is, for all women with hardly any exceptions, to bond in love with the man of your choice. If you practise all that you have read up to this point in the text, or if you are already have this blueprint and living in accordance with these universal precepts, it will be very easy for you to recognise the kind of man who is likely to reciprocate your feelings, to give you all that your heart desires, to make you happy and, even more importantly, whose personal music will harmonise with your particular type of dance. You learned at the beginning of this article that all men, without exception, live according to the rhythm of their own symphony and that this music represents for them a kind of radio-guidance which determines their actions and which unconsciously and implacably dictates their behaviour as long as they live. What therefore could be the origin of their music? In order to really understand this, one must painstakingly retrace their lives up to the first moments of their entry into this world, and understand how, in the course of time the sonority of their music has irrevocably captured and recorded in musical form every single personal experience that they have acquired in the path of their own life: from the very beginning, when this little human first opened its eyes in this world, it was already conscious of the music of his mother’s voice, her face, her physical features, and later, it was enhanced by the emotional quality of his childhood with all its sorrows and its pleasures, the kind of relationships which he had with the other members of his family, his friends, his parents, teachers and classmates – in short, the sum total of all these experiments which helped him to grow and construct his personality until the moment when he met you. Do not forget either, that potentially you will also fuse with the music that he heard at the precise moment of your first meeting and that this music will continue tirelessly to play throughout your relationship and the different encounters that you have with him. It will accompany you both right through the deepening of his sentimental relations with you. At this precise moment you must never forget, that as the woman in this equation, you have the unique power constantly to introduce even more harmony in this music or include discordant notes into the melody which you will be trying to compose together.
When you meet a man for the first time, you will obviously feel, even at an unconscious level, that he is attracted to you. Please understand right from the start that this attraction, initially, is purely experienced at the level of his subconscious, because it stirs, within his deepest being, the certainty that his music has found a soul mate by sheer chance and that for the duration of the time you spend together, he will be keenly aware that his music strongly resonates with yours. In this way and sometimes even though he might be reluctant to do so, something makes him want to take your relationship to a higher level, in other words, to deepen the expression of his feelings for you, as a way to get to know you better. Naturally, as far as you are concerned, you are free to exert your privilege as a woman and to decide whether or not you would wish to continue with this friendship: to go further in the exploration of this possibility or not. At this stage, with your heightened sensitivity, through the many and varied conversations and discussions which you have with him, if the tiny voice that you hear tells you that there are false notes in your exchanges with each other, you must immediately understand as soon as this happens, that something is not quite in synchrony with your own music. Ignore this feminine intuition at your peril! Because if his music is hammering out a wild rock’n’roll and yours is playing a dreamy waltz, you might choose to ignore these early warning signs because you want to continue this relationship for reasons that are important to you, despite your incipient incompatibility, you must at least keep in mind this dominant thought: that you will be never happy with this man quite simply because he cannot, even if he were initially sincerely willing to fulfil all your emotional needs, ever really be able to do so since his music is discordant with your deepest desires.
If for some reason you doubt the veracity of these opinions expressed by the author of this article, look around you and you will note that many couples unfortunately come together and try to build on this kind of unstable foundation which is incongruent with their personalities: this explains why they will not ever really progress to true happiness (despite the sincere desire of both concerned to do exactly this) and when this occurs the two people involved become come acutely aware of their feelings of disappointment and even bitterness, where each one accuses the other of being at the origin of all the horrors that their relationship gives rise to. Love is not enough to build a durable relationship. It is of course the most important (and delicious) ingredient. But at the same time, you desperately need the cement of compatibility so that your feelings for each other are firmly anchored in the practical aspects of everyday life. So if your dancing style which represents the first element of the very first stage of a successful couple’s encounter, does not align with his musical characteristics, give him a sweet smile and move away from him as soon as possible. When you act decisively in this way, whatever your regrets may be at the beginning, you are doing yourself a favour, because this simple gesture will help you to avoid a potential source of unhappiness that will, in the long run, have the power to destroy your health and your joy. This is a great example of how important it is to be in love with yourself and to listen to your heart in all matters, because the protective love that you feel for yourself will safeguard your serenity at all times and give you the certainty that you will surely meet another man (many others, too) whose personal music will be much more in keeping with your style of dance. You will also automatically acquire the possibility of succeeding in your relations with the right kind of man because compatibility is a sure value if your vision is built on the long term.. Without compatibility, it is extremely rare that a relationship succeeds in propelling the two people concerned towards a life that is filled with joy and laughter: among the questions which you should ask yourself at this stage, is to be reasonably sure that he could make you happy, and even more important, is to be certain that he is sufficiently generous to want to make you happy. You must understand that these are two entirely different questions. If the answer to both is a resounding “yes” you have all the chances to find the love of your dreams with this man because his own happiness weighs less in the balance when compared to yours. This particular quality is extremely rare in today’s world; however, it constitutes one of the principal pillars on which successful relations of a fulfilled couple are built.
Let us now imagine that you have met the man of your dreams and that he invites you to spend a romantic evening with him. Marvellous! You can already feel already the excitement slowly building up in you, making you shiver in anticipation when you think of the evening that you will spend in his company and you can almost hear your heart beating wildly. He rings your doorbell, you open the door, smiling and your head is already filled with dreams of a wonderful future together. He takes your arm like the gentleman he is, escorts you to his car and then drives you to this exclusive restaurant for dinner. Do please note that he could also have invited you to coffee at the corner diner or for a drink to the local bar – what counts more than anything else are the emotions that he will be able to inspire in you, and not the size of his wallet. As the evening progresses, you should feel a soft happiness invading your entire being, sitting side by side or opposite this man who obviously has all the potential to steer you towards more happiness than you ever experienced as a single woman. In this delicious moment, you must nevertheless bear in mind what experts in the field of human relations have been preaching for a while now: “a man should never be at the centre of a woman’s happiness – he should just add to it”. Now that you think you have found your soul mate, you are well on the way to building a really strong bond with this man and vice versa, which will in turn embellish your love life as a woman and consequently, your life as a couple. But, however tempting it may be, do not forget for a single second that a great deal of spade work still remains to be done before you can one day, sit back on your laurels with the feeling that you have completed your task (if ever it is possible to complete the tasks required to make any relationship flourish), because if you let yourself go here, it is very likely that you will one day wake up to the fact that you have lost the game of love. Love, like all very precious things needs constant care and maintenance. You’ve surely seen a beautiful garden where flowers of all conceivable hues and shapes were growing everywhere in all their glory. The lawns were green and velvety and the carefully clipped hedges completed this breathtaking picture of natural beauty. But, without the backbreaking work of a devoted gardener who toils for long hours to preserve the beauty of this garden, someone who spares no pain to maintain this small paradise right through the year, this area would very quickly have become an arid desert, ugly and totally unattractive because of neglect. You know how true this is. A marriage or a relationship is exactly like a garden and cannot preserve its beauty unless there is a gardener, in this case, the woman (again!) to maintain it, nourish it with all her sincerity and her tenderness, as she puts her heart and soul into avoiding boredom creeping into the relationship, that mortal enemy which is always prowling around, looking for a chance to destroy even the strongest couples. She uses creative thinking to innovate new ways of physically expressing love and introducing surprise elements into their lives which will make this garden flourish even in winter. She learns to be playful, to flirt with her man and perhaps for a very special occasion, like his birthday, she could offer him a once in a lifetime, unforgettable present, when she greets him at the door, wrapped up in red transparent cellophane paper (and nothing else) artistically held together in strategic places with satin ribbon, and a naughty smile on her face!
Of course, while all this can be great fun, it is also very unfair! Why should it be only the woman who is responsible for avoiding these very real pitfalls in a relationship? The answer is simple. When a man decides to live with or marry the woman of his choice, he thinks that he has accomplished the goal of a lifetime. Hurrah! You can almost hear him shout, that’s it! Everything is now in place for us to live happily after. Whatever the reason might be, the male psyche never imagines for one second that this relationship, if left to itself to function on auto-pilot, will one day sink into the humdrum routine of life, bringing in its wake a multitude of problems like infidelity and lassitude, thus leaving the door wide open to sadness and a feeling of failure that an eventual divorce creates in the minds of both partners. So at this point, let me invite you, the woman who is reading these lines, to meditate on the numerous rewards that you automatically reap just because of your devotion to your life as a couple. These rewards are considerable and worth their weight in gold because by investing your time and your unrelenting effort to make sure that the emotional energy which is at the heart of your life as a couple, is perfectly tuned at all times, you will have subscribed to a kind of insurance policy which guarantees dazzling happiness to you both and will give you the kind of life as a couple that will be envied by all those who are less lucky than you. These people will certainly try to emulate you so that their life takes on a little of the glow that you radiate as a couple in love enveloped in so much happiness that it inspires all the others who come into contact with you, and will also give them the hope that they too could someday find this incredible joy which is rather absent in the 21st century, especially in those couples who have been married for a few years.
When you think you have found a man who interests you, take all the time you need to study him carefully, exactly as you studied the texts that were prescribed for passing university exams when you were a student. You remember how you carefully read each line of each chapter of the books which were part of the curriculum. Why did you devote such an extraordinary amount of time and attention to deepen your knowledge of the texts in question? It was only because you had to pass an examination at the end of the course, and the success of this test automatically opened all doors for you so that you were sure of getting an excellent, well paid job which would practically guarantee your professional future. Right now the stakes are even more important as it is a question of your personal (and lifelong) happiness with the man in your life. The tiniest and seemingly unimportant details of his words, thoughts and actions fit together like the pieces in a puzzle to finally give you a very clear idea about who he really is and how he will treat you in the future. Your future, in fact! With this in mind, please take careful notes in a book that you keep exclusively for this exercise. Write down all your thoughts, positive and negative and your comments on the way you perceive this man in all his moods. In doing this, please remember that you are not making an official report for this man’s superiors, which will be read at the annual staff meeting to decide whether or not he is considered worthy of a promotion. This work is even more important because it is an evaluation and even a thorough appreciation of this person that you are making; it is about a man who could possibly be a potential life partner in your happiness plan. Therefore, this study must be thorough and detailed and must relate to the impact that he has on you at the personal level. Suppose that he possesses several of those qualities that are important to you in a man, but although he says he has very strong feelings for you, he always flirts with other women even in your presence. Does this particular character trait leave you with a feeling of humiliation, anger, annoyance or even indifference? If this is the case, you must immediately ask yourself the following question: would it be possible for you to live a happy life with him? Does he have the ability to bring serenity into your life, give you a feeling of calm, of beautifully tender feelings which in turn, make you, as one part of this couple, bask in the warmth of emotional security and mutual respect? Regardless of how handsome he is physically and apart from his other characteristics which attracted you initially, you will agree with me that this man will not bring you the happiness you so desire in the long run. Apart from this tendency to want to flirt with all the women who cross his path, a womanizer, by definition, is very egoistic, always looking for occasions (and sometimes even creating them) to feed his voracious and insatiable ego. You would agree that given this line of reasoning, it would be remotely impossible to even imagine a romantic life with him (romance starts with two people and ends abruptly when there are three or more admitted into this exclusive circle). Therefore, for your peace of mind, cross him off immediately from your list of potential candidates and do it without regret. Perhaps you will not be able to see it right away but you are doing yourself a great favour. Obviously, apart from playboys, there are other male character traits which are also likely to snuff out your happiness: for example, a man who is always late for a romantic rendezvous, a man whose temper rises when he sees that you are wearing a dress with a plunging neckline, those who use alcohol to jump start their date, gamblers who think that your love for them would make you want to pay off all their gambling debts, and the list not exhaustive. When you become aware of all these potential happiness destroyers, do you think that, after the first phase of excitement, the moonlight and roses period where all of his faults seem endearing because you are caught up in the spiral of your flaming emotions and you have thrown prudence to the winds, that happiness is waiting for you at the other end of the spectrum? Not really! You are hopefully becoming aware of the damning consequences of these character faults, and not only on your health, peace of mind and sanity, so do please listen to that small voice within you that repeats insistently that your music and his are really sounding very false. If you refuse to heed your innermost guide in moments like these, if you persist in ignoring his weaknesses, try to imagine for a moment the kind of the environment in which you and he will be living later on. You are an intelligent woman so I’m sure you already know the answer. When faced with this type of situation, you are aware, even subconsciously, that your self-protection mechanism automatically starts to function to enable you to unhesitatingly take the decision which is absolutely essential in this kind of case. Leave him to pursue his “pleasures” and you are now free to look for a man who has what it takes to overwhelm you with happiness. Finally, if at any point in your blossoming relationship you detect discordant notes in the musical composition of this kind of man when compared to your own harmony, beware of commitment to this type of person.
Never think, even for a fraction of a second, that you can change his character – you will never be able to do so. Why you might ask? Because quite simply he grew up with this particular music that is now rooted in his soul and unless there is a miracle (and the 21st century doesn’t really encourage this kind of celestial happening) this orchestra will persist in his heart thus rendering him incapable of coherent thought. Sadly this is very true. And if he promises you, hand on heart and tears welling up in his eyes that he will change for you, and for a short space of time it might seem to you that he is sincere in doing what he says, when the playboy once again finds himself in the company of other women, despite all his good intentions to never hurt you by flirting with others, he cannot really keep his word. At this point, you think to yourself “but he promised me solemnly never again to flirt with another woman and he is doing just that?” Just remember these two points: 1. Words are cheap. 2. Worse still, in the future, for whatever reason it might be, you have a quarrel with him, and after this unhappy incident, he wants to take revenge because he is human. Since he is well aware of your weak points, he would not hesitate to try to hurt you by flirting with another, perhaps even in your presence! This can get very ugly. However, there is no need to fear that you will be caught up in this type of nightmarish situation, because you are now armed with all this insight that will help you to avoid disillusionment which kills the soul. So despite all his other great qualities, he is not the kind of man who could make you happy in a long term relationship. If he caught your fancy and you find him so seductive that you are tempted to go along with this game, for a while at least – you, as a sexy adult woman could also have “fun” with him and learn something interesting from this adventure, perhaps the most important lesson you’d learn could even be how to deal with men like him! However, a word of warning from the author of this article is absolutely essential in the context. It is to advise you in all sincerity that regardless of what he might say about how he feels about you, this man is certainly not right for you for the long term. Since you love yourself, you are now very aware of the necessity to seek out your happiness with a man who is emotionally very stable and whose sole desire is to make you happy and not to embellish his vanity by boasting about his female conquests and even crowing about them later to you like a cock in the barnyard.
You now have very precise information about what you need, as a woman, to nourish the most profound depths of your soul. You know who you really are and what you are seeking in life. You have studied this special man very carefully and you have had the good fortune to find him in the first place. Now, it’s up to you, with your beloved, to create a life of love for both of you, showering tenderness on each other throughout the day and night, while working toward the promise of those dreams which will become reality in time. With all these loving feelings which echo in your soul and which make you smile out of pure happiness, you will not believe what you are going to read in the lines which follow – it is certainly in total contradiction with what you have learned until now. Alas, far from being a contradiction, it is an outstanding truth! All couples who have spent many long years of their life together will always tell you that they are convinced that it is the woman who must always take great care to preserve her “feminine mystery” if she wants her man to remain faithful and to stay in love with her forever. Yes, you say, but how does a woman manage to remain mysterious while living with a man? More especially so because this famous mystery evaporates like fog in bright sunshine when you share all aspects of your life including your personal and intimate details with your man, who has the privilege (!) to see you without make-up, naked and just as you really are. He lives in the same house as you do, shares your bed and is exposed to all your moods, your joys, your tears and your unhappiness. He often knows your most secret thoughts. So what is this mysterious mystery and how can a woman preserve it?
Once again, this is a woman’s responsibility! Oh really, I hear you say. When he was courting you, at the beginning of your relationship, all was beautiful because everything was new. For him, you were uncharted territory. You obviously lived in your own apartment and he in his – of course, you spent a great deal of time together including weekends and holidays. But you were not together all the time. This is why he wanted more and more of your time, your kisses, your closeness and all of you and still it was never enough for him! Then you both decided to marry and spend all of your life together. Marvellous! The only problem with that is that when a man eventually gets to know you in all the depths of your fascinating personality, there comes a time when there is nothing more for him to discover. The man of your life has now reached saturation point in his hunger to get to know his beloved! You have reached a tricky stage in your relationship. Boredom replaces desire. In this context, a comfortable couch and mindless television tend to become a lifestyle for this creature of habit (your husband) and you can see that your relationship is already treading water. The really passionate discussions that you used to have not so very long ago are now only a distant memory – they are being steadily replaced by yawns and grunts in response to your anxious questions. To make matters worse, the man who shares your life, who thought you were so fascinating just a few years ago, occasionally gets this far away look in his eye which makes you wonder….Your girlfriends inform you that this is how all “normal” marriages work out! Smile at them and tell yourself that you are not going to be the victim of such emotional drudgery. After all, you still have all those wonderful dreams that you refuse to put on the back burner just because you have hit a lull in your marriage.
Great! You have the fighting spirit and because of it, nothing is lost! This is the moment when you, as the magician in this duo, with just a wave of your magic wand will succeed in awakening your man and shaking him out of his matrimonial torpor, so that once again he feels sufficiently consumed by the fire of desire, to once again start to court you with flowers and gifts, to cherish you ever more (!) with all the ardour of a 17 year old boy who falls in love for the very first time! Believe me when I say that this can happen even after ten, fifteen and even twenty years of sharing your life with the man of your dreams. Here’s how you must go about it: first find a little place (or a room, if your house is big enough) where you live and take possession of this area which you announce to all concerned, is reserved exclusively for you – this is your exclusive domain. Tell your man about your plan. Explain to him that nobody, not even the children, no person other than you, has the right to invade this private realm, except, of course, at your express invitation. You will now set about arranging this corner or room according to your desires. Everything that you love will be tastefully placed in this “sanctuary”: pieces of furniture, photographs, the souvenirs which you bought as a student when you were 20 years old on holiday in Italy or elsewhere, books, music, your favourite colours which can immediately change your energy, make you feel warm, dreamy and fill you with exciting thoughts, ready to set off on an adventure, even virtually, your work files and your preferred comfortable chair, as well as your sofa bed and all of your personal mementoes. When you enter this special space you will be overcome with joy and serenity and you will really feel safe, loved and protected from the chaos of the external world. You always come to this place when you feel the need for strength, to seek the comforting presence of all these objects which exude an unconditional love for you each time you come to this sanctuary. This is your little paradise, a haven of peace which boosts your morale whenever you are feeling down or out of sorts. This place is vitally important because it has the power to bring you back to yourself, so that without any effort you reincarnate your own reality. You can listen to your own music which makes your heart vibrate and you start to dance again with a feeling of lightness regardless of the burdens you may be carrying and within just a few seconds, the magic takes over and the world, your world shines with hope. In fact, just before coming to this almost sacred space, you were dragging your feet and your whole body felt heavy in the face of life’s difficulties. However, after spending some time in your “magic circle” you leave this place filled with hope, your heart is lighter and you now have all the energy you need to go and look for your man, wrap your arms around him lovingly and tell him how much he means to you and that he is the centre of your small world. When you disappear into your own space, wordlessly and in silence, you have gifted yourself with this imperceptible quality, this mystery which makes you unforgettable, and which has earned you an exclusive place of honour forever in the heart, mind and life of your man, because he will have never have the feeling that he knows you thoroughly. It will keep him always wanting more of you, a magnetic and absolutely desirable woman, in his eyes at least!
Yes, you say, that’s all very well for the women who have the financial means to acquire such luxuries – as for me, I live in a tiny studio with the love of my life and we just have a mini budget which gets us through to the end of the month with great difficulty. And with all these difficulties, I can’t really use this very interesting piece of advice because it’s much more than I can afford at the moment. Ah! Never underestimate the fertile imagination of a woman when she is really challenged – in these circumstances she becomes a true magician. Therefore, you who are this magician, have your mind and your innermost thoughts where nobody other than you can enter unless you invite them in! Only you have the key to this exclusive place, your secret garden, which contains everything that makes you vibrate with excitement. When you get into this place, the solutions to all your troubles appear to be quite simple, because you connect up immediately to your own reality, which is there in its purest form, since it is no longer in conflict with other realities. This includes the reality of the man with whom you share your life.
When you finally emerge from this marvellous place which exists only in your mind, you feel energized, ready to deal with all the problems that life might have unexpectedly thrown at you. Your man will be patiently awaiting your return from this secret place. You will also be a more radiant person, ready to listen to your other half because you will now understand that each one of you has discovered the way to find unlimited possibilities to refresh your relationship as time goes by. You can say good-bye to problems and hello to a newly found joyfulness in your couple, because you no longer feel the need to quarrel with each other, whatever the reason might be. When you, as the queen of your virtual kingdom, practice this method which does not cost you anything financially speaking, you are perceived as being a rare type of woman, absolutely incomparable to all the others that your man knew before you came along; and because of this rare quality, he will give you a special place in his life, in his thoughts and especially in his heart. This is how the innate genius of a woman helps her to distance herself from her man, when the need arises. In fact this the only way that is guaranteed to preserve your feminine mystery which will, in turn, keep your man very intrigued by you right through your life spent as a couple because he will have never the feeling that he really knows you. This is what is known as the “soft” challenge which you throw out to a man and he will certainly rise to it because he is biologically programmed to be competitive and the male world thrives on challenges of any kind! When you change, he is obliged to change too, so that he can feel that he is on your level, and he will do all in his power to adapt to this new situation as quickly as he can. The beauty of this method is that you will have achieved all this without the need to exchange words, in total silence! Animated conversations, dialogue and exchange of ideas are essential to liven up a relationship but at the same time, do not lose sight of the fact that occasional, intriguing silences will give you, as the woman in this situation, a powerful and unrivalled advantage in the life that you share with the man of your dreams. There is yet another way in which you can stay mysterious even in a close relationship with your man: when you decide to live together, one of the first things on your priority list should be to open a bank account in your name alone. This account will contain the funds of your “Running Away Money” – do regularly save a certain amount of cash in this way, so that, when you need it, this money will help you in times of distress to fend for yourself, if ever the need should arise in the future. Please explain to your partner why you have this account. It is almost sure that this simple gesture will change his perception of you – you will become a woman to be reckoned with, magnetic and independent, because you have shown him, humorously, that you will not accept any kind of negative treatment from him!
There is yet another subject which is of key importance in the life of a couple: never forget that the secret dream of every man, and there is no exception to this rule, is to become the hero, the one and only, in the eyes of his wife. Please frame this sentence in gold and enshrine it forever in your heart and mind because it is paramount to a man’s sense of achievement and as necessary to him as the air as he breathes. If you do not grant him the hero status, whatever your reasons might be, he feels compelled, very often reluctantly, to seek this recognition elsewhere, often in the arms of another woman. This is because the reality of the masculine psyche is that he cannot bear to be deprived of this “right” the origin of which can be traced far back to the birth of humanity on this earth. What can seem even more devastating to the feminine mind is that he will never breathe a word to you about this deep seated need that he is obsessed with: his self-esteem and his innate masculine pride will not allow him to reveal these fundamental truths to anyone and certainly not to the woman he loves. (He probably thinks that in this particular case, you should be a mind reader!) In the light of this discovery, you are now becoming slowly aware that the blossoming of your love life as a couple, which is something that you desire more than anything else in the world, requires you to do everything in your power to find a plausible reason to put him on a pedestal and thus make it patently clear to him that he is your hero. It does not stop there, as you can imagine. You must also tell him as often as you can find the occasion to do so, that there is no man who can measure up to him in any way (not even your father!) and what could be better than to whisper these words to him during those intimate moments that you share as a couple. When you find the right time to compliment your man in this special way, express your thoughts in a seductively low voice which will add an unforgettable dimension to your declaration. Please avoid flattery at all costs because lies and half-truths have no place in a close and honest relationship and could even destroy all your good intentions by creating doubts with regard to your sincerity. Do try to be coherent when you whisper these tender thoughts in the ear of your beloved because they have the power to weave indestructible bonds between the two of you. Do not forget either, that all these wonderful feelings can melt away more quickly than snow in the sun, sweeping away with them all the tender feelings that you had painstakingly created by your words and actions, if just after having showered him with praise for the thoughtful things he has been doing for you, you criticize him harshly just because he forgot to buy the bread on his way back from the office! This kind of behaviour always leaves an after taste of bitterness, resentment and even anger in the minds of men who are at the receiving end of this kind of feminine wrath, and as you can imagine, it spells disaster for harmony in the life of the couple. Do try at all times to convince him, through words and deeds that he is, as far as you are concerned, the most adorable man whom you ever knew and that you consider yourself to be the luckiest woman in the world because he chose you to be his life partner.
In conclusion, you must never forget that the feeling of love that a man has for you is never guaranteed for life. What does that really mean? It is just a small reminder of a very important point which could have an extremely negative impact on your life as a couple, if you are not sufficiently aware of the need to constantly adapt yourself to every season in the life of a man. It is a well known fact that what he wished for with all his heart when he was thirty, leaves him cold when he is forty, and so on it goes right through all the phases of his life. This is not difficult to understand because, in a lesser way perhaps, this was your experience too. When you comprehend these evolutionary cycles in the life of a man, together with the corresponding changes that they bring about in the psyche of an individual, a clear-sighted and vigilant woman who has learned to move gracefully to the rhythm of these changes will not be consumed by fear when she notices these subtle differences which take place in the personality of her beloved – this is quite normal in the lives of all couples. Hopefully, you are not feeling too confused at this stage. When you find yourself caught up in a similar situation it would be wise to remind yourself that in this context, there is only one rule which could help you: i.e. that there are no rules at all! A woman must always use her intelligence and her sensitivity to adapt to these ever changing circumstances and effortlessly blend with them, because they will surely make themselves felt at every stage in the life of a couple. You may occasionally find that you are out of your depth when grappling with this kind of unnerving situation but with patience, a good dose of humour and time on your side, you can be sure that your relationship will again stabilize and become even more solid than it was in the past.
Just like everything else in life, all relationships are made up of many interminable cycles of which the woman should be particularly conscious, because each has its own pitfalls which must be avoided at all costs. Seen from a more positive viewpoint, it could even be an occasion to really get to know and profoundly understand your man, even more than you did in the past! The complexities of the feminine style of dance would need to be harmonised with these new realities to make sure that there is a seamless transition from one phase of the couple’s life to another. If this is done correctly in a spirit of adventure, the couple will feel closer than ever to each other. Just the thought of a separation or a divorce when problems arise will be seen by the two persons concerned as a ridiculous solution, because they will have, right through their lives together, always relied on comprehension and compromise to solve their difficulties. According to the experts in these matters, divorce is not really the panacea that will magically erase all marital problems. These specialists specify that the two people who are talking about divorce and sometimes use this extreme solution to get rid (they think) of their difficulties, forget that the sparks of their love that they once felt so strongly, strongly enough to want to spend their lives together, still exist, although they are buried under layers of rancour, bitterness and resentment. When a situation of this kind rears its ugly head, there is another kind of music that the man now hears playing in his heart, in the wake of these negative events. He consequently expresses this new harmony in words which are different to his usual vocabulary and the woman must carefully listen to what he is trying to convey if she really wants to safeguard the integrity of their relationship. She will then adapt her choreography and her own music to this new reality, which will help him, the love of her life, to blend it with the masculine music that he now regularly listening to in his heart and soul, so that it becomes, as time goes on, a unique musical composition created by the two people concerned, which will give them the energy to do whatever it takes to once again start to create and then live the life of their dreams in a way that is now more suited to the direction that their lives have taken.